Jenny Reads 50 Shades of Grey

Jenny Trout

Did you come here looking for my in-depth sporknalysis of 50 Shades of Grey? Allow me to provide you with handy links to all of it. At the bottom, you will find links to stand-alone posts about 50 Shades of Grey.

Audio recaps courtesy of Beneath The Hat.

JENNY READS 50 SHADES OF GREY:

Chapter 1: Ana is the shittiest friend ever.   Audio
Chapter 2: Shopping for a serial killer’s birthday Audio
Chapter 3: Bike accidents get me squirrely in the pants. Audio
Chapter 4: Everybody wants Ana even though she’s terrible Audio
Chapter 5: Ian Sommerhalder, what are you doing?! Audio
Chapter 6: Up, up and away in my beautiful, my beautiful helicopter and sex dungeon Audio
Chapter 7: I wish the whole book was as short as this chapter Audio
Chapter 8: This one time, I fucked a girl so hard she turned into a pirate Audio
Chapter 9: Back like a mysterious rash Audio
Chapter 10: Hot and cold running dick Audio
Chapter 11: Sign here. And here. Initial here. Are you getting hot yet? Audio
Chapter 12: Untitled, full of Wonka Audio
Chapter 13: That one time when Jen started drinking at seven in the morning to get through a recap Audio
Chapter 14: I’m pretty sure I’ve read this book before, but with vampires in it.
Chapter 15: I’m halfway done!
Chapter 16: Shit just got real
Chapter 17: Night of the moth
Chapter 18: “Fifty Shades of Fucked Up”
Chapter 19: Now with 100% more television references
Chapter 20: “Behind the boathouse/I’ll show you my dark secret”
Chapter 21: She’s leaving on a first-class flight to Georgia
Chapter 22: Mrs. Robinson on my mind
Chapter 23: Red dawn
Chapter 24: Hipster Beethoven
Chapter 25: DTF
Chapter 26: I’m a survivor, I did not give up, I did not stop, I’m gonna drink now

JENNY READS 50 SHADES DARKER:

Chapter 1: This totally wasn’t one long fanfic cut into three parts in a desperate money grab.
Chapter 2: Kinky Fuckery
Chapter 3: All hail King Jerkface
Chapter 4: Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson
Chapter 5: Everything is unrealistic, because it’s more dramatic that way.
Chapter 6: Party Poopers
Chapter 7: Nothing says romance like forced birth control
Chapter 8: I won’t participate in the plot and you can’t make me!
Chapter 9: Isn’t that how Natalie Wood died?
Chapter 10: So little conflict, so many words.
Chapter 11: Right makes might
Chapter 12: Piano for Dummies
Chapter 13: My precioussss
Chapter 14: Yes, but what about the Volturi?
Chapter 15: 50 Shades Derper
Chapter 16: A Treatise on Spreader Bars and Human Anatomy, with a Focus on Physics
Chapter 17: The One About The Car
Chapter 18: 50 Shades’s Greatest Hits
Chapter 19: 50’s Greatest Hits Vol. II
Chapter 20: I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, but she ain’t messin’ with someone who doesn’t have a helicopter or a yacht.
Chapter 21: The shorty skirt catches the worm
Chapter 22: Every episode of Dynasty, ever.

JENNY READS 50 SHADES FREED

Chapter 1: MINE.
Chapter 2: The one where they almost do peeing stuff
Chapter 3: Wherein Jenny uses the fuck word nonstop for thirty pages
Chapter 4: Tickle-me Chedward
Chapter 5: False Tension Blowout! (ft. the most boring car chase of all time)
Chapter 6: In Praise of Vague Anal
Chapter 7: Are you fucking kidding me? Starring Kristen Wiig.
Chapter 8: Guys, you’re going to need a cigarette, for real.
Chapter 9: Fuck this, just fuck all of it.
Chapter 10: Merlin edition
Chapter 11: The chapter where there was nothing funny to say, because it was too fucking sad.
Chapter 12: How’s your Aspen?
Chapter 13: Ana is the only gay in the village.
Chapter 14: My god. My god, there is something correct in this book.
Chapter 15: Take the blue pill, it’s just better that way.
Chapter 16: Blind to Recursion
Chapter 17: Grey’s Anatomy
Chapter 18: It wasn’t called “Jack & Karen, but it should have been.”
Chapter 19: I did not see that coming
Chapter 20: This is definitely not an abusive relationship.
Chapter 21: Lysistrata
Chapter 22: A dumbass walks into a bank
Chapter 23: THE FOG
Chapter 24: How very dare you save my sister’s life!
Chapter 25: My race is almost run

JENNY BLOGS ABOUT 50 SHADES:

An open letter to 50 Shades of Grey fans and ardent defenders

50 Shades and Abusive relationships

Why BDSM doesn’t need 50 Shades defenders


71 Comments on “Jenny Reads 50 Shades of Grey”

  1. Brian Carter says:

    The new 50 Shades of Grey novel that is getting buzz right now is Starbucks Bitches. It has much deeper characters than 50. I found it on iTunes, but I think it is also on Amazon and Barnes. There is a description at http://www.StarbucksBitches.com.

  2. Melanie says:

    Hi Jenny,

    I really enjoyed your “50 Shades” recaps, smart and funny analyses. But unfortunately, they did not answer the big question either, that I keep asking myself: Why? Why is this the best selling book ever? There are a lot of stupid, inconsistent, not very well written books on the market, aren’t there? Why this one? Have you analysed that as well or could maybe write about it? I guess one can learn a lot of things about our society and literature from what has happened.

  3. […] so masochistic, I must share it with the Internet. I was hilariously entertained and inspired by this series of blog posts. She had me laughing so hard I was crying at certain points. I thought “why not […]

  4. […] not the only one. I don’t think I would have made it through the book if it weren’t for Jenny Trout’s irreverent commentary chapter by chapter. No seriously, read it. You’ll thank […]

  5. Ocyla says:

    The 50 Shades of Gray trailer was posted today. I have to restrain myself from counter-posting to all the people that defend that book, I mean, at least after the first 5 or so “are you fing kidding me???” comments I made XD

  6. […] Jenny Reads 50 Shades of Grey. […]

  7. […] Jenny Reads 50 Shades of Grey. […]

  8. Elena says:

    Bravo!:D After reading 50 Shades of Gray , I stumbled upon your blog and honestly, I do not intend to read the remaining two books, because I don’t see a reason anymore and I would advise anyone to do so.Jenny, I think you’re brilliant and thank you for the numerous bursts of laughter I experienced while reading your blog entries. You rock !

  9. […] I feel down about my writing abilities I read this blog– Jenny Reads 50 Shades– and come away feeling much more optimistic. Because at least I don’t write like E.L. […]

  10. dernhelm6 says:

    I love reading these posts. They’re more entertaining than the novel.

    I skimmed through the first book, read less of the second, and never made it to the third. Thank God I didn’t buy them, but borrowed them.

    Completely agree that it was an abusive relationship, and don’t understand how that would come across as romantic. It’s scary that women who read this thought it was a great story and recommended reading.

  11. […] Then I found this: http://jennytrout.wordpress.com/jenny-reads-50-shades-of-grey/ […]

  12. Have been loving the recaps. I’m pretty convinced this is the nature of books now. In order to be different, how much can I get away with? I read Jennifer Green’s BEST FRIENDS. In it, the male romantic interest watches a children television show while he masturbates. The general idea is that he finds the host of the show hot…but that is freakin’ creepy. Is it all just a ruse to see how far the reading public will stoop to be titillated?

  13. Rebecca says:

    My friend Dr. Juli Slattery has written a book, from a biblical perspective, on why 50 shades of grey is tearing down women, marriages, and relationships. Please consider checking out her website and reading her book. It’s amazing and eye opening. http://www.authenticintimacy.com/book

    Christian women don’t have to choose between being sexual and spiritual. They have legitimate longings that the Church has been afraid to talk about, and books like Fifty Shades of Grey exploit. Whether you are single or married, sexually dead or just looking to revive your sex life, Pulling Back the Shades will address your desire to be both sexual AND spiritual. With solid Biblical teaching and transparent stories, trusted authors Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery, offer an unflinching look at the most personal questions women ask. The book offers practical advice for women to address five core longings 1) to be cherished by a man 2) to be protected by a strong man 3) to rescue a man 4) to be sexually alive 5) to escape reality

  14. 50 Shades of Grey a real let down , and for what ever reason has caused a stir across the world.
    It seems most cannot separate fiction from non-fiction, and while the book may have very little truth there is a lot missing.
    When it comes to a D’s or M’s relationship there is so much more than just the kink. The bondage, the spanking and so on.

    What is missing is how to maintain the relationship on a daily basis, the structure, the protocols, and yes even the communication.

    I am not sure if I will watch the movie, it will probably be a let down much like the movie The Pet.
    I am guessing it will have a subject line much like 9 1/2 weeks .

    Very nice blog keep up the good work.

    Vile

  15. Selina says:

    This recap is the best thing to ever happen to me.

  16. dokimimazo says:

    Jenny, Jenny, Jenny. Thank you for the awesome deconstruction of this obnoxious piece of “literature” that is a disgrace to both romance and sexuality. And BDSM. And humanity in general! Hats off to you!

  17. aesweeti85 says:

    I don’t know if Jenny will ever finish with the epilogue (I hope she does, but I know life is busy!), but I wanted to let you all know that in the epilogue, after Ana and Christian have sex, Ana comments that the baby girl in her belly is dancing, and says “I think she likes sex already.”. Just…fucking no.

    Also, since we cannot go anywhere without Christian controlling Ana’s body, when they discuss that she wants a natural birth with this one (the first one was C-section, after 15 hours of labor), Christian refuses to allow that, stating that she’ll have an elective C-section whether she wants to or not.

    And she apologizes several times for non-reasons.

    I fucking hate this series – Jen’s probably been in therapy 24/7 since the end of the last book, hence the lack of recap. :-P

  18. […] I want to be in pain. And here’s how I know I have to be careful: I’ve been reading a series of posts commenting on the general not-goodness of 50 Shades. (I only read about ten chapters before I […]

  19. casandra browning says:

    Ive just got done reading all of the fifty shades of grey. I loved all of them and hate that it ended and want more. Im wondering if theres any other books that are very similar to them. That will keep me wanting more from it.

    Thank you,
    Casandra Browning


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