Jenny Reads 50 Shades of Grey

Jenny Trout

Did you come here looking for my in-depth sporknalysis of 50 Shades of Grey? Allow me to provide you with handy links to all of it. At the bottom, you will find links to stand-alone posts about 50 Shades of Grey.

Audio recaps courtesy of Beneath The Hat.

JENNY READS 50 SHADES OF GREY:

Chapter 1: Ana is the shittiest friend ever.   Audio
Chapter 2: Shopping for a serial killer’s birthday Audio
Chapter 3: Bike accidents get me squirrely in the pants. Audio
Chapter 4: Everybody wants Ana even though she’s terrible Audio
Chapter 5: Ian Sommerhalder, what are you doing?! Audio
Chapter 6: Up, up and away in my beautiful, my beautiful helicopter and sex dungeon Audio
Chapter 7: I wish the whole book was as short as this chapter Audio
Chapter 8: This one time, I fucked a girl so hard she turned into a pirate Audio
Chapter 9: Back like a mysterious rash Audio
Chapter 10: Hot and cold running dick Audio
Chapter 11: Sign here. And here. Initial here. Are you getting hot yet? Audio
Chapter 12: Untitled, full of Wonka Audio
Chapter 13: That one time when Jen started drinking at seven in the morning to get through a recap Audio
Chapter 14: I’m pretty sure I’ve read this book before, but with vampires in it.
Chapter 15: I’m halfway done!
Chapter 16: Shit just got real
Chapter 17: Night of the moth
Chapter 18: “Fifty Shades of Fucked Up”
Chapter 19: Now with 100% more television references
Chapter 20: “Behind the boathouse/I’ll show you my dark secret”
Chapter 21: She’s leaving on a first-class flight to Georgia
Chapter 22: Mrs. Robinson on my mind
Chapter 23: Red dawn
Chapter 24: Hipster Beethoven
Chapter 25: DTF
Chapter 26: I’m a survivor, I did not give up, I did not stop, I’m gonna drink now

JENNY READS 50 SHADES DARKER:

Chapter 1: This totally wasn’t one long fanfic cut into three parts in a desperate money grab.
Chapter 2: Kinky Fuckery
Chapter 3: All hail King Jerkface
Chapter 4: Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson
Chapter 5: Everything is unrealistic, because it’s more dramatic that way.
Chapter 6: Party Poopers
Chapter 7: Nothing says romance like forced birth control
Chapter 8: I won’t participate in the plot and you can’t make me!
Chapter 9: Isn’t that how Natalie Wood died?
Chapter 10: So little conflict, so many words.
Chapter 11: Right makes might
Chapter 12: Piano for Dummies
Chapter 13: My precioussss
Chapter 14: Yes, but what about the Volturi?
Chapter 15: 50 Shades Derper
Chapter 16: A Treatise on Spreader Bars and Human Anatomy, with a Focus on Physics
Chapter 17: The One About The Car
Chapter 18: 50 Shades’s Greatest Hits
Chapter 19: 50’s Greatest Hits Vol. II
Chapter 20: I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, but she ain’t messin’ with someone who doesn’t have a helicopter or a yacht.
Chapter 21: The shorty skirt catches the worm
Chapter 22: Every episode of Dynasty, ever.

JENNY READS 50 SHADES FREED

Chapter 1: MINE.
Chapter 2: The one where they almost do peeing stuff
Chapter 3: Wherein Jenny uses the fuck word nonstop for thirty pages
Chapter 4: Tickle-me Chedward
Chapter 5: False Tension Blowout! (ft. the most boring car chase of all time)
Chapter 6: In Praise of Vague Anal
Chapter 7: Are you fucking kidding me? Starring Kristen Wiig.
Chapter 8: Guys, you’re going to need a cigarette, for real.
Chapter 9: Fuck this, just fuck all of it.
Chapter 10: Merlin edition
Chapter 11: The chapter where there was nothing funny to say, because it was too fucking sad.
Chapter 12: How’s your Aspen?
Chapter 13: Ana is the only gay in the village.
Chapter 14: My god. My god, there is something correct in this book.
Chapter 15: Take the blue pill, it’s just better that way.
Chapter 16: Blind to Recursion
Chapter 17: Grey’s Anatomy
Chapter 18: It wasn’t called “Jack & Karen, but it should have been.”
Chapter 19: I did not see that coming
Chapter 20: This is definitely not an abusive relationship.
Chapter 21: Lysistrata
Chapter 22: A dumbass walks into a bank
Chapter 23: THE FOG
Chapter 24: How very dare you save my sister’s life!
Chapter 25: My race is almost run

JENNY BLOGS ABOUT 50 SHADES:

An open letter to 50 Shades of Grey fans and ardent defenders

50 Shades and Abusive relationships

Why BDSM doesn’t need 50 Shades defenders


97 Comments on “Jenny Reads 50 Shades of Grey”

  1. Brian Carter says:

    The new 50 Shades of Grey novel that is getting buzz right now is Starbucks Bitches. It has much deeper characters than 50. I found it on iTunes, but I think it is also on Amazon and Barnes. There is a description at http://www.StarbucksBitches.com.

  2. Melanie says:

    Hi Jenny,

    I really enjoyed your “50 Shades” recaps, smart and funny analyses. But unfortunately, they did not answer the big question either, that I keep asking myself: Why? Why is this the best selling book ever? There are a lot of stupid, inconsistent, not very well written books on the market, aren’t there? Why this one? Have you analysed that as well or could maybe write about it? I guess one can learn a lot of things about our society and literature from what has happened.

  3. […] so masochistic, I must share it with the Internet. I was hilariously entertained and inspired by this series of blog posts. She had me laughing so hard I was crying at certain points. I thought “why not […]

  4. […] not the only one. I don’t think I would have made it through the book if it weren’t for Jenny Trout’s irreverent commentary chapter by chapter. No seriously, read it. You’ll thank […]

  5. Ocyla says:

    The 50 Shades of Gray trailer was posted today. I have to restrain myself from counter-posting to all the people that defend that book, I mean, at least after the first 5 or so “are you fing kidding me???” comments I made XD

  6. […] Jenny Reads 50 Shades of Grey. […]

  7. […] Jenny Reads 50 Shades of Grey. […]

  8. Elena says:

    Bravo!:D After reading 50 Shades of Gray , I stumbled upon your blog and honestly, I do not intend to read the remaining two books, because I don’t see a reason anymore and I would advise anyone to do so.Jenny, I think you’re brilliant and thank you for the numerous bursts of laughter I experienced while reading your blog entries. You rock !

  9. […] I feel down about my writing abilities I read this blog– Jenny Reads 50 Shades– and come away feeling much more optimistic. Because at least I don’t write like E.L. […]

  10. dernhelm6 says:

    I love reading these posts. They’re more entertaining than the novel.

    I skimmed through the first book, read less of the second, and never made it to the third. Thank God I didn’t buy them, but borrowed them.

    Completely agree that it was an abusive relationship, and don’t understand how that would come across as romantic. It’s scary that women who read this thought it was a great story and recommended reading.

  11. […] Then I found this: http://jennytrout.wordpress.com/jenny-reads-50-shades-of-grey/ […]

  12. Have been loving the recaps. I’m pretty convinced this is the nature of books now. In order to be different, how much can I get away with? I read Jennifer Green’s BEST FRIENDS. In it, the male romantic interest watches a children television show while he masturbates. The general idea is that he finds the host of the show hot…but that is freakin’ creepy. Is it all just a ruse to see how far the reading public will stoop to be titillated?

  13. Rebecca says:

    My friend Dr. Juli Slattery has written a book, from a biblical perspective, on why 50 shades of grey is tearing down women, marriages, and relationships. Please consider checking out her website and reading her book. It’s amazing and eye opening. http://www.authenticintimacy.com/book

    Christian women don’t have to choose between being sexual and spiritual. They have legitimate longings that the Church has been afraid to talk about, and books like Fifty Shades of Grey exploit. Whether you are single or married, sexually dead or just looking to revive your sex life, Pulling Back the Shades will address your desire to be both sexual AND spiritual. With solid Biblical teaching and transparent stories, trusted authors Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery, offer an unflinching look at the most personal questions women ask. The book offers practical advice for women to address five core longings 1) to be cherished by a man 2) to be protected by a strong man 3) to rescue a man 4) to be sexually alive 5) to escape reality

  14. 50 Shades of Grey a real let down , and for what ever reason has caused a stir across the world.
    It seems most cannot separate fiction from non-fiction, and while the book may have very little truth there is a lot missing.
    When it comes to a D’s or M’s relationship there is so much more than just the kink. The bondage, the spanking and so on.

    What is missing is how to maintain the relationship on a daily basis, the structure, the protocols, and yes even the communication.

    I am not sure if I will watch the movie, it will probably be a let down much like the movie The Pet.
    I am guessing it will have a subject line much like 9 1/2 weeks .

    Very nice blog keep up the good work.

    Vile

  15. Selina says:

    This recap is the best thing to ever happen to me.

  16. dokimimazo says:

    Jenny, Jenny, Jenny. Thank you for the awesome deconstruction of this obnoxious piece of “literature” that is a disgrace to both romance and sexuality. And BDSM. And humanity in general! Hats off to you!

  17. aesweeti85 says:

    I don’t know if Jenny will ever finish with the epilogue (I hope she does, but I know life is busy!), but I wanted to let you all know that in the epilogue, after Ana and Christian have sex, Ana comments that the baby girl in her belly is dancing, and says “I think she likes sex already.”. Just…fucking no.

    Also, since we cannot go anywhere without Christian controlling Ana’s body, when they discuss that she wants a natural birth with this one (the first one was C-section, after 15 hours of labor), Christian refuses to allow that, stating that she’ll have an elective C-section whether she wants to or not.

    And she apologizes several times for non-reasons.

    I fucking hate this series – Jen’s probably been in therapy 24/7 since the end of the last book, hence the lack of recap. :-P

  18. […] I want to be in pain. And here’s how I know I have to be careful: I’ve been reading a series of posts commenting on the general not-goodness of 50 Shades. (I only read about ten chapters before I […]

  19. casandra browning says:

    Ive just got done reading all of the fifty shades of grey. I loved all of them and hate that it ended and want more. Im wondering if theres any other books that are very similar to them. That will keep me wanting more from it.

    Thank you,
    Casandra Browning

  20. Anonymous says:

    I thought 50 shades was amazing but admit I am depressed now I didn’t want the book to end an also depressed my hubby ain’t like Christian!

    • ebony says:

      Well the books are crap and who ever likes the book are dumb and christian grey is a asshole and the movie will be crap!

    • ebony says:

      Christian grey is ugly and he’s a jerk! And jensen ackles/dean winchester is better than him and your ugly hubby! And christian is ugly and dumb bye bitches!

  21. Anonymous says:

    I think this new trailer of 50 Shades offers something with a little more depth. http://youtu.be/cSxmvv6sN6A

  22. lonely dollhouse says:

    awesome. now check out the real trailer for 50 shades of grey (bear) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSxmvv6sN6A&feature=youtu.be

  23. […] Ihr werdet eine ganze Menge zu lesen haben, aber es lohnt sich, da hineinzuschauen: Jenny Reads 50 Shades of Grey […]

  24. […] Ihr werdet eine ganze Menge zu lesen haben, aber es lohnt sich, da hineinzuschauen: Jenny Reads 50 Shades of Grey […]

  25. […] not quite Twilight, but: Jenny Reads 50 Shades of Grey is both hilarious and scathing and will amuse you. It is, I kid you not, a chapter-by-chapter […]

  26. […] thoughts on this series as well. I recommend Sweaters for Days, she also has some really funny commentary and chapter play-by-plays that will have you rolling. (Beware the foul language!) On a more serious […]

  27. mahnoor15 says:

    Hmm, did someone tell you are THE BOSS!!!!!!

  28. […] while back, I read Jenny Trout’s blog about Fifty Shades of Grey. The write-ups and analysis are excellent and laugh-out-loud funny, but it just reminded me – […]

  29. […] while back, I read Jenny Trout’s blog about Fifty Shades of Grey. The write-ups and analysis are excellent and laugh-out-loud funny, but it just reminded me – […]

  30. […] while back, I read Jenny Trout’s blog about Fifty Shades of Grey. The write-ups and analysis are excellent and laugh-out-loud funny, but it just reminded me – […]

  31. […] while back, I read Jenny Trout’s blog about Fifty Shades of Grey. The write-ups and analysis are excellent and laugh-out-loud funny, but it just reminded me – I […]

  32. ebony says:

    The books are real bad and the movie will be bad too! And the females that like the books are brain dead! And the movie tralier was bad too! And the guy who plays christain grey is a bad actor and he’s ugly! And nobody should read the books they are crap! And buffy sucks too. Jenny your annyoing but I hate the books and people should hate it too!

  33. ebony says:

    My mother is a dumb bitch for reading that crappy book and she’s really dumb too and I’m always right! And I’m awesome. And the books are crap and who ever reads the book you all are retared too! Bye trolls

  34. ebony says:

    And jenny your annyoing! And supernatrul is the best show! And you should love that show! Bye trolls!

  35. John says:

    I love your summaries – hilarious. I wouldn’t read this crap (50 shades you understand, not your recaps) myself but stumbled upon your blog looking for something else and couldn’t help myself indulging in some criticism of the series. Well done haha :)

  36. MissDecember says:

    But there are better ways to foreshadow that your heroine is pregnant. For example, she could think she had a stomach bug that turned out to be morning sickness, or she could get really busy with work and lose track of when her last period was. You know what’s not a good way for your heroine to notice she’s pregnant? By having the hero call her fat, when he’s completely aware that she’s got fucking food issues that he pretends to care about all the fucking time.

    ~ I don’t see why you’re so upset about this. Obviously the fantasy here is that Christian is a man who actually WANTS his woman to eat and to gain weight, whereas in reality, there are women with already perfect figures starving and criticizing themselves while their asshole boyfriends and husbands don’t say a single word of encouragement to get them to eat or feel better about themselves.

    And I’m sorry to disagree with you, but having the heroine discover she’s pregnant via “stomach bug” is really just about the tiredest cliché in all of fiction. In reality, it’s only a small percentage of women who have morning sickness bad enough to clue them in. Most of the time it’s a missed period, but even that’s rather cliché now. I realize we have very few realistic options to choose from, but I’m just sayin’.

    And where on earth did you get the impression that Christian called Ana fat? You said it quite blatantly in that last sentence I excerpted. Christian NEVER called her fat. Just because someone says “you’ve put on weight” doesn’t mean they’re anywhere near fat, or that the thought even crossed their mind. Besides, he said he was PLEASED that she gained weight. That’s a GOOD thing. That’s part of the fantasy. Would you dare to tell a recovering anorexic that she looks fat? NO! You would congratulate her for taking the steps to return to a normal, healthy weight. That. Is. Precisely. What. Christian. Is. Doing.

    BTW Ana doesn’t actually have any “food issues.” She just doesn’t have much of an appetite. That is perfectly normal for many people. Anorexics and bulemics HAVE an appetite, they just refuse to eat or throw it back up. It’s body dysphoria that is causing the problem,a nd Ana does not have that issue.

  37. Bic Mcpenlamperson says:

    Thank you, Jenny, for making me laugh again and again. I recently found this blog and binge-read your 50SoG reviews in every spare moment I’ve had. I think it’s fair to say I’ve been a pretty sketchy mother, wife, and employee while this has been happening: ‘Can’t talk! Reading about sexytimes!!!!!’

    I’m afraid I have a terrible secret, though. I haven’t read 50SoG and when I started reading your reviews… Well… It actually made me WANT to read the books. In the sense that I just couldn’t believe that the books were really as horrible as they seemed, and I was anticipating a ‘so bad it’s good’ kind of reading experience.

    But as the reviews went on (hilarious, hilarious reviews that made me snort with laughter) I realised that things I thought were you being funny WERE ACTUALLY IN THE BOOKS. Like, Chedward saying ‘fair point well made’ and ‘laters, baby’. I seriously thought that was you, making fun. But no. No, that was really real.

    And as the instances of abusive behaviour piled up, and became more overt and horrifying (IMO, and based on the recaps), I started to lose my shit. For real. How is all the fan love for this series of books really happening? How can anyone defend the blatant abuse and general slut-shaming, woman-hating bile spewed by the two main characters we’re meant to be rooting for? (Rooting… Tee hee).

    So I guess what I’m trying to say is, thanks for going through this, so I didn’t have to. You are a truly gifted writer and I’m so glad I stumbled onto your blog. And oh yeah, I used to love when a character in the story referenced the name of the story… Not anymore. Fuck you very much, E.L.

  38. John Flynn says:

    Intimate Bondage by John Flynn is the new 50 Shades of Grey. Do you recognize the name John Flynn? In 50 Shades of Grey, John Flynn was Christian’s psychologist. Well, apparently, there really is a John Flynn who is a psychologist, and he writes erotic thrillers under his own name. Intimate Bondage is a murder mystery set in the BDSM world. Homicide detective Kate Dawson is on the trail of a serial killer named “Crystal Rose” who has murdered several wealthy men who dabble in D/s. Kate falls under the hypnotic, romantic, erotic spell of a psychology professor who has a penchant for mind games and is an expert in BDSM. Together they seek their killer in the shadowy world of San Francisco’s BDSM club scene. The erotic scenes are very hot and so is the romance between Kate and the psych doctor. Available online at Amazon.com and B&N.com Jenny, I think you’d really love it, and so would your followers.

  39. I’m a FANATIC of this story since It was in the book, but now it was in the movie, it’s so intense to watch every episode. By the way, if anyone is interested in the adult toys they used, then here’s your chance to have it now, but don’t forget to use the coupon code SHADES10 at the checkout to get 2 of the following manual gifts if you spend $17 or more, plus Romance Kit & plus Professional Ladies 6-Pack. For more info just visit this link http://shadesofkinkysex.com/10-free-gifts-fifty-shades-sex-toys/


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